Guitarist Jokes (May-23-06)

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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:32 pm

A few More..

What's worse than telling jokes about guitarists?
Laughing at 'em.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in.

How do you know when the stage is level?
The guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb?
He holds it and the world revolves around him.

What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither have I.

2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.

How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.


Now here's a few Bass jokes, to even the score...

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

* None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand
* Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice
* One, but the guitarist has to show him first
* Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are

Paul Bone "guitarnut"
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:32 pm

Ok, another bass one:

A man goes on vacation to a lovely tropical paradise. As he is getting off the plane, he hears rhythmic drums in the distance. He figures it's just part of the "native atmosphere" for the tourists like himself and starts going about enjoying his vacation.

By the end of the first day, though, he has noticed that everywhere he goes, no matter where it is, he can hear the drums. He decides to learn what the significance might be, so he asks the waiter serving him at dinner, "What's up with the drums? I hear them everwhere I go on the island. What do they mean?"

The waiter simply looks him in the eye and says, in a very doom-and-gloom sort of voice, "Very bad when drums stop." and refuses to say anything more about it.

For the rest of his vacation, he hears these drums everywhere he goes, night and day, without stop. Everytime he asks somebody about it, they either don't know anything more than he does, or they simply say, "Very bad when drums stop."

Finally, on his last day, as he is checking in at the airport, he finds a local and pleads with him, "Please, you have to tell me what those drums mean! I must know! It's driving me crazy!", to which the local replies, "Oh, very bad when drums stop."

The man's eyes go wild and he finally asks the right question, "What happens when the drums stop!?"

The local, rather frightened by the man's wild eyes and intensity, says, "Bass solo."

-Ken
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:33 pm

Tee hee...

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't worry about the changes, we'll just fake it.

How many shredders does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to brag about how they could have done it faster.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One... four... five... one...

What is covered in blood and lying in a ditch?
The guitarist who told one too many drummer jokes.


Cheers,
Squeaky
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:39 pm

OK SQEAKMEISTRESS .... Does that last one mean to stop now ?

Paul Bone "guitarnut"
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:40 pm

Paul,

Stop? Goodness no. Not unless we're facing the wrath of Geraldine, which doesn't seem likely just yet.

How can you tell when the lead guitarist is at the door?
The knocking gradually speeds up and he never knows when to come in.


Cheers,

Squeaky
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:40 pm

Q: How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison ?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q: Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to let the drummer out!

Paul Bone "guitarnut"
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:41 pm

Peeking around the corner to see if Miss G, is watching.. It's hard to run, in my condition..heheheeh Thanks For the Auto again , Miss G..

Paul Bone "guitarnut"
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:41 pm

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer

What something you'll never hear from a drummer?
O.K. now let's play one of my songs.

MSTONE
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:42 pm

What's the difference between a pizza delivery man and a guitarist?

The pizza delivery man has a job.

-Geraldine
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Re: Guitarist Jokes

Postby moved from old forum: » Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:43 pm

CHECK YOU OUT MISS G....A sense of humor to go along with those good looks and personality..YOU GOT IT ALL !!! I need to send you and Jamie some of our "Southern Bumper Stickers " for your vehicles..lol..

A guitarist, told me the other day , " I had the strangest dream last night"...I said " Oh Yea, what was it ?" He told me.." I dreamed I was awake and woke up and I was asleep."

Paul Bone "guitarnut"
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